My early twenties were ravaged by a few friendlationships, a term used in many Charismatic circles to describe a boundary-less cross-sex friendship.
As individuals in a generation of Evangelicals that were adversely affected by “kissing dating goodbye,” many of my friends and I found ourselves in friendships that operated more like dating relationships. However, not wanting to be perceived as “worldly” daters, our cross-sex friendships included many of the things couples do, minus the physical parts: spending large quantities of time together, eating out together, late night phone calls, and/or sharing deep, emotional, personal stories that should have really be reserved for a significant other.
In college I had a friendlationship that progressed to the level of study buddy/dining companion. However, over time the friendlationship fizzled and I was left to study alone (or with my girl friends) and feeling bitter. I still had to interact with this him on a daily basis and watch as he formed a friendlationship with another girl. I felt some kind of way that he had another friendlationship and that I was left with nothing. I was hurt. I was angry. I was disgusted and appalled.
After carrying hurt for many months, I decided to take my problem to the Lord in prayer. I laid on the floor in my room and poured out my frustrations and pain. As I laid prostrate, I wept for the first time regarding this individual. Yet in the midst of my inner turmoil, I heard His still, small voice whisper, “But he’s still my child.”
You see, in all of my unforgiveness, I failed to remember that this person was still a child of God. Each time that I purposely was rude to, ignored, or unforgiving toward this person, I not only disrespected him, but I ultimately disrespected the Lord.
Luke 10:25-37 reads:
And behold, a certain lawyer stood up and tested Him, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” He said to him, “What is written in the law? What is your reading of it?” So he answered and said, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’and ‘your neighbor as yourself.’” And He said to him, “You have answered rightly; do this and you will live.” But he, wanting to justify himself, said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
Then Jesus answered and said: “A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, who stripped him of his clothing, wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a certain priest came down that road. And when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. Likewise a Levite, when he arrived at the place, came and looked, and passed by on the other side. But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was. And when he saw him, he had compassion. So he went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; and he set him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. On the next day, when he departed, he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said to him, ‘Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I come again, I will repay you.’
So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?”
And he said, “He who showed mercy on him.” Then Jesus said to him, “Go and do likewise.”
That day I learned that I honor God by how I treat others, even if I have been wronged. My desire to please God compelled me to do the right thing and I chose to love this individual for who he was. Eventually I went to the person I was no longer in a friendlationship with and asked for his forgiveness for being bitter in my heart and rude towards him.
God doesn’t just love the lovable. He loves the unlovable. And His love is demonstrated when we choose to love as He would.
Lesson learned: When we show honor to others, we show honor unto the Lord.
