Can Men & Women Ever Truly Be Just Friends?

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Can men and women truly be friends?

This age-old question has been asked over and over again.  Few people agree that it is possible, while most others hold the belief that if a cross-sex friendship is indeed formed, eventually one or both parties will succumb to sexual tension.  This is illustrated in classic rom-com films such as When Harry Met Sally, Brown Sugar, and My Best Friend’s Wedding.

Cross-sex friendships are often discouraged, particularly in the church, for fear of one committing fornication, adultery, or some other sexual sin.  While I understand the reasoning behind this, I must disagree with the action.  If an individual has a problem with lust or infidelity, avoiding opposite-sex relationships merely puts a band-aid on the situation and does not deal with the root of the issue.

Growing up, I had some not-so positive encounters with men that caused me to have a lack of trust towards them.  As I began my healing journey in my twenties, I asked the Lord to send men I could trust and befriend in my life.  And He did.

I have a few male friends that I can rely on, some are single and some are married.  They have helped restore my faith in men and have brought great insight into my life.  Their friendships are necessary and are a gift to me.  But the key to the success in these friendships goes back to what my friend Lindsay Morris brought up, there are some definite boundaries.

Here are some things to remember in your cross-sex friendships:

1. The more the merrier.  When in a cross-sex friendship with someone who is married or has a significant other, remember that you are friends to both the individual and his/her partner.  The last thing you need is someone thinking you are trying to take his/her man/woman.  Be friends with both parties involved.
2. Focus on maintenance. By the time you are in your thirties, you should not be looking for more single individuals to form cross-sex friendships with if you are single.  Focus on maintaining the cross-sex friendships you already have. Check in with the individual from time-to-time, just like you would a same-sex friend, and see how he/she is doing. But, save the truly emotional, personal stories for either your close same-sex friend, your journal, or prayer.  A cross-sex friendship is not a dumping ground.
3. Remember, stability is a good thing. Cross-sex friendships bring stability to a relationship. A friend from another gender will generally bring a different viewpoint to a situation.  My male friends often help me to think about things logically instead of emotionally, which can be a good thing.  Welcome differences of opinion during discourse; it will only help you to grow.

So, can men and women be friends?  I say yes, because with the proper boundaries in mind, anything is possible.

Lesson Learned: Guarding your heart does not mean to completely block it.