My early years of life were consumed by “what-ifs?” I found myself deep in worry and despair over events that had not even occurred. I just created them in my mind. When I look back and think of all of the minutes, hours, and days spent worrying, I wish that I would have filled the time doing something more productive.
What-if-ing and worrying were a coping mechanism. I had been let down, mistreated, and disappointed too many times as a child and adolescent. Tired of being let down, I would come up with the worst case scenarios, so that if push came to shove, I would not be too upset because I had already prepared for the worst. Having this outlook on life caused me to become extremely distrustful, fearful and pessimistic. And, since it was guys who seemed to continually disappoint and mistreat me, I was unnecessarily guarded toward the opposite sex.
In my mid-twenties, I decided I was tired of living this way and began making steps toward inner peace and healing. During this journey, my cousin used to encourage me to let go of my hurt and my past by saying, “Kelli, let God be your safety net.” Slowly, I caught a revelation that God was truly for me. Not only was He (and still is) for me, but He was guarding, protecting and keeping me.
Each day I began to realize and eventually confess, “They can’t hurt me anymore.” I cannot even begin to express the amount of freedom I had when I could go out in public and not fear the worst would happen to me. The freedom I felt when I could look at individuals and not expect them to have ulterior motives. The freedom I discovered to be me, unguarded.
When we choose to stop guarding ourselves, we find that we have the ultimate protection in God our Father.
Lesson Learned: God is my safety net; all I have to do is let go.
No comments:
Post a Comment