Cooperative Economics

Wow, so it's been a minute since I've posted.   I've definitely filmed videos, but just haven't made time to write.  Thankfully, I'm on a break from grad school and have a little bit of free time.

Something I've been interested in lately is supporting more Black-owned businesses.  In order for our community to become strong, we must support each other financially.  So, here's a haul of things I recently purchased from four Black owned businesses!

Oyin Handmade
Bellwether Fashion
The Lip Bar
Terri's Cakes

Why Mike Brown Matters (and not just to Blacks)

***This piece was originally posted on my other blog, His Crowning Glory, last summer and titled "Where Are The Allies?"***

Due to many circumstances beyond my control, I'm not sure if I will ever get married AND have children.  I'm at a point in my life where I'm through with naming and claiming things just because I have a fleshly desire for them.  I simply want to be wherever and have whatever the Lord wants.

Anyway, if I do end up married with children, I know one thing for sure.  My children will be Black.  I'm not saying I'm not open to an interracial relationship; I'm saying that whether my children are bi-racial or not, society will view them as Black.  Obviously, if their father is also African-American, they will be counted as Black.  But if their father is of a different race, because I am African-American, society will view them as Black.

How can I make such accusations? Case in point, look at our President, Mr. Barack Obama.  He is just as much White as he is Black, yet EVERYONE seems to focus on the fact that he is Black.

All that to say, with my personality, if I do have children, I kind of hope to have boys.  Nothing against girls...I just think I'm better suited to raise boys.

However, in lieu of the George Zimmerman case, I have been thinking more about how much extra responsibility must be instilled in Black boys when raising them.  The case has heightened my awareness of the prevalence of racial profiling and its dangers. We as a nation have to work together to eradicate this as well as other forms of discrimination.  Social justice is not to be championed solely by Blacks and other minorities.  We need everyone to become allies for social justice.

A few weeks ago I looked on my Facebook timeline and saw people from all walks of life band together to put up red equal signs and demand rights for homosexuals: Evangelical, Jewish, Atheist, Straight, LBGTQ, Young, Middle-Aged, Elderly, Black, White, Asian, Arab, Latino, etc. These people wrote how they believed in equal rights and everyone deserved the same opportunities.

But on the evening of the GZ verdict and the Sunday that followed, I found that it was mostly my African-American friends on Facebook and Twitter that seemed to be turning their profiles black and/or talking about the injustice that had been served.  Slowly, I became saddened.

I was confused.  What happened to all of the people that were on the "civil rights" train just a few weeks ago?  What happened to all of these so-called "allies" for social justice?

Perhaps many people know someone who lives a homosexual lifestyle and can relate.  Perhaps fewer individuals have experienced what it is to be Black, particularly a Black male, and the challenges, stereotypes, and grief that can accompany it.  Or perhaps most just don't want to know what it is like; ignorance is bliss.

Many people seem to think that since in 2013 we are no longer (legally) segregated and have President Obama in the White House, the struggle is over.  Unfortunately, as shown by the outcomes of the GZ trial, that is not the case.  Racism persists, just not as blatantly as in the days of our parents and ancestors.

The work of social justice is not for fair-weather fans.  Racism is deeply rooted in the hearts of many Americans, and it will take ALL of us working together to eradicate it.

ENJOY YOUR SUMMER!

***Please excuse the late posts...like I said in the video, I'm on vacation and have lost any and all concept of time***

So often we rely on our past encounters shape our lens for future occurrences.  We decide we love chocolate cake after tasting a piece of grandma's special cake for the first time as a kid.  We hate clowns because of a bad encounter.  I know I personally am PETRIFIED of playing baseball/softball because when I was a kid, I was practicing t-ball with my mom in the backyard, who pitched a ball that hit me square in the eye.  I haven't picked up a bat since.

Unfortunately, we often let our past negative experiences taint our futures.  Who knows, maybe I could have been an AMAZING softball player (I highly doubt that though, as I have zero hand-eye coordination).

What I am learning is that despite my past, God has an amazing future for me.  Each day is new, filled with His mercy, and I have to make a choice to hope for the best and move forward.

Lesson learned: Don't let your past taint your future.

Endurance

I peeked my head between the trees, both elated to see a trail of real pavement, yet distraught that my never-ending 30-minute journey was seemingly turning into a “three hour tour.”  Hangry, frustrated, hot and tired, I wanted to lay in a patch of lukewarm grass and wait for the birds to devour my carcass.  As soon as I contemplated giving up on my hike (that was supposed to be a stress reliever), a sprightly gentleman in his eighties came zooming past me. Literally.

I watched in shock and awe as this man who could be my grandfather ran with ease and verbally encouraged himself as he ran.  I then stood in dismay at myself, a thirty-year-old who was ready to give up on WALKING in the hot sun.  But, by the time I found the end of the trail and was heading home, (and saw the elderly runner turning around to run back the other way), I learned a lesson in endurance.

Lately, I have felt like if it isn’t one thing, it’s something else.  If it isn’t stress on the job, then my family is being attacked.  If it’s not my family, then someone has stolen my credit card number...AGAIN.  If it isn’t identity theft, then something detrimental happens in the body of Christ.  Sometimes I just want a break.  And some normalcy.

But despite my misgivings, I remind myself that if I don’t move forward, I will never go anywhere.  Even though some days are quite challenging (some more than others), I am convinced that I must make forward strides, whether small, medium or large; whether in pain, distress, weakness, or anguish.  I have to encourage myself and keep pushing because eventually, I will reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

My favorite scripture has always been Philippians 3:13&14

Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Despite my feelings, situations, or circumstances I cannot allow myself to be stopped from moving forward.  I must make steps to reach the goal God has called me to.

Lesson Learned: If you don’t move forward, you’ll end up going nowhere.

Everything on Groupon Ain't Great

Let’s face it -- unfortunately for many, our twenties are filled with many new beginnings and uncertainties job-wise.  The transition between dorm-life to the real world can be tumultuous and may take some time to navigate the path of budgeting, bills, and entry-level salaries.

I have always been quite frugal and tried to take my savings skills to the next level when I first started out on my own by looking for as many deals as possible.  While I still try to save as much as possible, I have learned that sometimes it saves to just buy things full price or name brand.

While there are some GREAT deals and generic brand items out there, there are some that just aren’t so wonderful.  After much trial and error, I found which items worked for me and which ones did not.  And much to my surprise, there were some items that I thought were great as generic, but once I purchased the name brand item, I found that the name brand worked even better!  By staying locked-in to generic items, I simply did not know what I was missing.  So, as with everything else, choosing between deals and full price takes much balance.  You can’t have too much of either.

Lesson learned: Sometimes it pays to buy full-price.

Think About Your Thinking!

When I was a kid, I worried. A LOT.  I have quite an active imagination and at times I would let it get the best of me. I worried about what happened throughout the day, what was happening at that current moment, and would could potentially happen in the future.  Worrying caused me to second-guess myself quite often and hinder me in many ways.

In addition to worrying, as an adolescent, I simply had a lot of wrong thinking.  I believed any and all lies that popped into my head.  If I thought something out of the ordinary, sinful, or scandalous, I automatically thought it was my fault.

Thankfully, two things happened to help me get my mind right:

1. I heard my childhood pastor’s wife preach a message based out of 2 Corinthians 10:4&5.

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds,  casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.

Before her sermon, I never knew that I had the ability to make thoughts go away.  I never realized that I could control them or that I could command them to become obedient to Christ and God’s word.

2. I read The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer.  In the book, Joyce uncovered all kinds of wrong thinking patterns and how to overcome them by combatting them with the word of God. I learned how to pay attention to my thinking and become an “active” thinker instead of a “passive” one, accepting any thought that came into my head. Reading the book completely changed how I thought, and I still use tactics from that book to this day.

With much time and practice, I was able to change my mindset and have peace of mind.

Lesson learned: I don’t have to accept every thought that comes to mind.

Let God Be Your Safety Net

My early years of life were consumed by “what-ifs?”  I found myself deep in worry and despair over events that had not even occurred. I just created them in my mind.  When I look back and think of all of the minutes, hours, and days spent worrying, I wish that I would have filled the time doing something more productive.

What-if-ing and worrying were a coping mechanism.  I had been let down, mistreated, and disappointed too many times as a child and adolescent.  Tired of being let down, I would come up with the worst case scenarios, so that if push came to shove, I would not be too upset because I had already prepared for the worst.  Having this outlook on life caused me to become extremely distrustful, fearful and pessimistic.  And, since it was guys who seemed to continually disappoint and mistreat me, I was unnecessarily guarded toward the opposite sex.

In my mid-twenties, I decided I was tired of living this way and began making steps toward inner peace and healing.  During this journey, my cousin used to encourage me to let go of my hurt and my past by saying, “Kelli, let God be your safety net.”  Slowly, I caught a revelation that God was truly for me.  Not only was He (and still is) for me, but He was guarding, protecting and keeping me.

Each day I began to realize and eventually confess, “They can’t hurt me anymore.” I cannot even begin to express the amount of freedom I had when I could go out in public and not fear the worst would happen to me. The freedom I felt when I could look at individuals and not expect them to have ulterior motives. The freedom I discovered to be me, unguarded.

When we choose to stop guarding ourselves, we find that we have the ultimate protection in God our Father.

Lesson Learned: God is my safety net; all I have to do is let go.

Everything IS NOT For Me!

Some of the wisest words my cousin ever gave me were, “Everything is not for me!”  It was something I would hear her say a lot in passing, but once I finally caught the reality of this statement, it began to make much sense.

In coming to terms with rejection, one must realize, indeed, everything is not meant for everybody. Every relationship, invitation, job, etc. is not for everyone. We are all unique with individual needs, and quite frankly, we cannot be a part of everything.  We have to come to grips that God has plans laid out for us to our benefit, and every opportunity cannot be a part of that plan.

So now, when a job situation or relationship does not work the way I intended, I breathe a sigh of relief and say to myself, “Oh well. Everything is not for me!”

Lesson learned: Everything is not meant for everybody.

Coming Soon!

The Ice Cream Parable

One evening at dinner during my freshman year of college, an upperclassman began to share some wisdom with me, in what I like to call “The Parable of the Ice Cream.”

“Often times in life,” she explained, “Christians sit in a cafeteria much like this one, earnestly praying every day for ice cream. ‘Oh Lord,’ they beg for days, weeks, and months at a time, ‘please grant us a bowl of ice cream.  If it is Your will, please have a heaping bowl of ice cream come across my table.’”

“Meanwhile,” she continued, “the ice cream machine, toppings, the bowl, and spoons have been made readily available.  If they would just take a look at their surroundings, they would see that everything they want and more is already there.  All they have to do is get up and access what has been provided.”

Twelve years later, this tale still resonates in my heart. While my friend told this story in jest, I found some truth in it that has helped me throughout the years.

Many times as Christians, we are praying, fasting, and believing for things, when all the while God is saying, “Take a look around. What are you doing with what I have already given you?” Much like in The Parable of the Talents, we have all been given a measure.  The question is, are we making the most with what has been granted to us, or are we burying it in the ground and ignoring it?

Lesson Learned: Make the most with what has been given.

Coming Soon!

When I Eat An Elephant...

I absolutely love my godparents.  Since most of my blood relatives live an hour away or out-of-state, I have always liked living near my godparents and feeling as though I had some sort of family that was close by.
One day, in my mid-twenties, I stopped by for a quick visit, and my godfather, who is quite the character, randomly asked me, “How do you eat an elephant?”  Confused as to why someone would even want to eat an elephant, I feebly mumbled the most logical answer I could come up with, “Uhhh, one piece at a time???” “EXACTLY,” he proclaimed, “You’re a smart girl!”

Essentially what he was trying to say was a MAJOR lesson I had to learn in my twenties -- big tasks aren’t successfully tackled in one night, but rather through overcoming one piece at a time.

In my teens and twenties, I over committed myself to clubs, extracurriculars, activities and the like.  My zeal for wanting to make the world around me a better place often left me feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and stressed out.  I became so accustomed to living like this, I would allot myself 3 to 4 mini-nervous breakdowns a year, as though it was normal.

After a series of unfortunate events, I decided that I was tired of trying to take on everything.  I learned to say “no” to individuals and invitations and also to make time in my busy schedule for myself.

Something that I have to constantly remind myself of is that “slow and steady wins the race.”  As a full-time teacher, committed member of my church, and participant in a dance company, my free time is limited and valuable.  I have to make the most of each and every opportunity that is given to me and work on big tasks in small pieces at a time.

So, instead of blocking out 8 hours to sit down and write a paper (as I often did in undergrad), I have found that when filling out applications and writing grants, I need to break my writing into sections and work for 30 minutes at a time over several days.  Instead of sitting down to read for 3-4 hours uninterrupted, I now read for short stints at a time, for instance during meals, before bed, or on reading days at school.

We are all given 24 hours in a day.  But thankfully we don’t have to solve all of man’s problems within that short time span.  Each day is another opportunity to faithfully tinker away at what we have been entrusted with; with diligence, dedication and time, we will have finally created a masterpiece.

Lesson Learned: A little bit goes a long way.

Can Men & Women Ever Truly Be Just Friends?

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Can men and women truly be friends?

This age-old question has been asked over and over again.  Few people agree that it is possible, while most others hold the belief that if a cross-sex friendship is indeed formed, eventually one or both parties will succumb to sexual tension.  This is illustrated in classic rom-com films such as When Harry Met Sally, Brown Sugar, and My Best Friend’s Wedding.

Cross-sex friendships are often discouraged, particularly in the church, for fear of one committing fornication, adultery, or some other sexual sin.  While I understand the reasoning behind this, I must disagree with the action.  If an individual has a problem with lust or infidelity, avoiding opposite-sex relationships merely puts a band-aid on the situation and does not deal with the root of the issue.

Growing up, I had some not-so positive encounters with men that caused me to have a lack of trust towards them.  As I began my healing journey in my twenties, I asked the Lord to send men I could trust and befriend in my life.  And He did.

I have a few male friends that I can rely on, some are single and some are married.  They have helped restore my faith in men and have brought great insight into my life.  Their friendships are necessary and are a gift to me.  But the key to the success in these friendships goes back to what my friend Lindsay Morris brought up, there are some definite boundaries.

Here are some things to remember in your cross-sex friendships:

1. The more the merrier.  When in a cross-sex friendship with someone who is married or has a significant other, remember that you are friends to both the individual and his/her partner.  The last thing you need is someone thinking you are trying to take his/her man/woman.  Be friends with both parties involved.
2. Focus on maintenance. By the time you are in your thirties, you should not be looking for more single individuals to form cross-sex friendships with if you are single.  Focus on maintaining the cross-sex friendships you already have. Check in with the individual from time-to-time, just like you would a same-sex friend, and see how he/she is doing. But, save the truly emotional, personal stories for either your close same-sex friend, your journal, or prayer.  A cross-sex friendship is not a dumping ground.
3. Remember, stability is a good thing. Cross-sex friendships bring stability to a relationship. A friend from another gender will generally bring a different viewpoint to a situation.  My male friends often help me to think about things logically instead of emotionally, which can be a good thing.  Welcome differences of opinion during discourse; it will only help you to grow.

So, can men and women be friends?  I say yes, because with the proper boundaries in mind, anything is possible.

Lesson Learned: Guarding your heart does not mean to completely block it.

Boundaries in Relationships

by guest blogger, Lindsay Morris

If there’s anything 30 has taught me, it’s to guard my heart.

Now happily married, I look back on my 20’s and realize the many times I did not have well-defined boundaries in my relationships with the opposite sex. I wonder how many tears and how much heartache could have been saved if I had been better at guarding my heart.
We’ve all heard quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson, “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” tossed about like it’s Scriptural. Yes, love is important. And it’s nearly impossible to avoid love and romance during your 20’s. I started off my 20’s strong in this area. I was a focused, independent college student, not the least bit interested in dating anyone. But after graduation, when things weren’t quite as busy, I allowed myself to be wooed time and time again by guys who … well, just weren’t right for me. And pieces of my heart were dispensed to these suitors like M&Ms at a movie theater.
Fortunately, God had a better plan for me than I could have ever imagined, and marrying Devon nearly four years ago was one of the best choices of my 20’s. But just remember, when you get ready to marry whoever that special person is, both you and he/she will have to unpack every relationship you’ve had … at least to some degree … and sometimes that’s not pretty.

Lesson learned: “Above all else guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23

God Loves MY EX!?!?!

My early twenties were ravaged by a few friendlationships, a term used in many Charismatic circles to describe a boundary-less cross-sex friendship.  

As individuals in a generation of Evangelicals that were adversely affected by “kissing dating goodbye,” many of my friends and I found ourselves in friendships that operated more like dating relationships.  However, not wanting to be perceived as “worldly” daters, our cross-sex friendships included many of the things couples do, minus the physical parts: spending large quantities of time together, eating out together, late night phone calls, and/or sharing deep, emotional, personal stories that should have really be reserved for a significant other.

In college I had a friendlationship that progressed to the level of study buddy/dining companion.  However, over time the friendlationship fizzled and I was left to study alone (or with my girl friends) and feeling bitter.  I still had to interact with this him on a daily basis and watch as he formed a friendlationship with another girl. I felt some kind of way that he had another friendlationship and that I was left with nothing. I was hurt. I was angry. I was disgusted and appalled.

After carrying hurt for many months, I decided to take my problem to the Lord in prayer.  I laid on the floor in my room and poured out my frustrations and pain.  As I laid prostrate, I wept for the first time regarding this individual.  Yet in the midst of my inner turmoil, I heard His still, small voice whisper, “But he’s still my child.”

You see, in all of my unforgiveness, I failed to remember that this person was still a child of God.  Each time that I purposely was rude to, ignored, or unforgiving toward this person, I not only disrespected him, but I ultimately disrespected the Lord.

Luke 10:25-37 reads:

And behold, a certain lawyer stood up and tested Him, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” He said to him, “What is written in the law? What is your reading of it?” So he answered and said, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’and ‘your neighbor as yourself.’” And He said to him, “You have answered rightly; do this and you will live.” But he, wanting to justify himself, said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

Then Jesus answered and said: “A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, who stripped him of his clothing, wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a certain priest came down that road. And when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. Likewise a Levite, when he arrived at the place, came and looked, and passed by on the other side. But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was. And when he saw him, he had compassion. So he went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; and he set him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. On the next day, when he departed, he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said to him, ‘Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I come again, I will repay you.’

So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?”

And he said, “He who showed mercy on him.” Then Jesus said to him, “Go and do likewise.”

That day I learned that I honor God by how I treat others, even if I have been wronged.  My desire to please God compelled me to do the right thing and I chose to love this individual for who he was.  Eventually I went to the person I was no longer in a friendlationship with and asked for his forgiveness for being bitter in my heart and rude towards him.

God doesn’t just love the lovable.  He loves the unlovable. And His love is demonstrated when we choose to love as He would.

Lesson learned: When we show honor to others, we show honor unto the Lord.

Coming Soon: Relationships, Stress, & the "F-Word!"

Here's what's in store at 30 Taught Me!

30 Random Facts

While you wait for our Feb. 13th debut, here are 30 random facts about me!

Stay Tuned!

I made my first video post!  I am working on a few more until we roll out next month. Stay tuned, subscribe, and spread the word!

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog, 30 Taught Me!

My name is Kel; I am a teacher and former librarian who will be turning 30 this year.  As I have counted down to 30 these past few months, I have found myself in a reflective state.  There have been so many wonderful life lessons I learned in my twenties.

It is my intent with this blog (& YouTube channel) to share these 30 lessons in a fun and insightful way.  Many posts will be spiritual and some will be just downright practical.  But I hope they are all found useful.

Posting will take place on the 2nd and 4th Thursday of each month, starting in February! I plan to have a video that goes with each post, so make sure you subscribe to my YouTube channel, 30TaughtMe, as well. Also, once a month I will share a book that impacted me in my twenties.

Thanks for stopping by! Please make sure you share and subscribe!

~ Kel